Let me take you inside my mind for one second, as a chronic over-thinker and people pleaser. I think everything I do is embarrassing, the way I walk, the way I breathe too loud, If I carry my suitcase up the train platform, If I order a sweet treat with my coffee, or eat something in public transportation. Maybe it’s the way I laugh, or sneeze or how my outfit fits me, or if my makeup is blended enough. It’s the title of the book that I’m reading that can be embarrassing or the slight frizziness to my hair after a long day in the sun, alas it could be my eyebrows being slightly unkept or if my socks are too colourful and don’t match my outfit. The list is never ending. Me admitting that these things are embarrassing for me, is EMBARRASSING FOR ME. This epiphany is my final straw. The fact that being able to admit that I’m humiliated is a humiliation ritual in itself.

I’m naturally a very harsh critique of myself, and I tend to judge me a lot more than I judge someone else. People often say “don’t be embarrassed, would you ever care if someone did that, I bet you wouldn’t even notice” and 9 times out of 10 that is true, I couldn’t bat an eye if someone did something weird like breathe loudly or eat a sandwich on the tube. However, the more I realise the aspects that I judge myself for, I can see myself tending to judge other people on that too. This is despising, because being judgemental on myself is very different from being judgemental on other people. The latter can make you a nasty human being that no one ever wants to hang out with, rightfully so.

Subscribe now

I want to touch on a popular piece of advice on this topic- “being embarrassed is a choice”. I believe this to be true, you choose to be embarrassed and therefore you feel embarrassment, and therefore other people have a front row seat to your humiliation, because you directed the show in the first place. Imagine you fell in public, oftentimes that is literally my worst fear not because I hurt myself but because I can almost feel my cheeks heating up and my face being beet red from the embarrassment of it all. It’s so fucked up that I’m already deciding that if I were to fall I would be embarrassed. But what if, just for a second, you don’t? What if you decide that if you fall it’s not that big of a deal, it happens all the time, you get up and brush yourself off, maybe throw in a laugh and move on with your life. No embarrassment, no show.

We as humans are narcissistic to a fault, the degree often depends from person to person, but we all unite on being a bunch of self-centered clumps of cells. Embarrassment almost wholeheartedly stems from an inherent need to be portrayed in a positive light, to be perceived from a lens that is in your control. A fact that I need to consistently remind myself of, and something that we all forget quite often is that, nobody cares. Like I said, we’re all self-centered. The people you so badly want to think highly of you, only actually think highly of themselves. And no, I’m not just saying this because it’s the obvious answer and you’re probably reading this referring to specific moments where people did perceive you in a negative light implying that they are not as self-centered as I’m making them out to be so you scoff and never change the abhorrent habit of you second-guessing every move you make. While that is true to some extent, I think you’re missing the point. Many people are observant, and often times you get the brunt of that, many times we’re embarrassed about people that we care about and actually want in my life like a crush, or making a new friend, or impressing coworkers so embarrassment can’t be slapped with “who cares you’ll never see them again in your life”. Because you will, that is the WHOLE point. And that’s okay, it’s okay to hold reservations for specific people that you want to impress ; the problem is when you get so addicted to warping the control you have on your perception of the people you do care about that it snowballs into gaining control over everyone you don’t really give a fuck about - insert 8 billion people you will never see again. That’s how embarrassment changes from a one-off incident to something that keeps you up at night, turns you into an over-thinker, makes you act meek and invisible, develops your hatred for attention and vulnerability, makes you an avoidant attachment. It holds you back in life.

My blog is all about me navigating life in my 20s, and that starts from self-awareness, accountability and acceptance. Oftentimes when I write something it opens up new doorways to other issues that I struggle with. Each epiphany leads to another. I consistently try to disembark from the road trip to hell, and everyday I tell myself these pieces of advice, so hopefully it helps you to :

Subscribe now

1. Like I said, embarrassment is in your control, you can choose not to be embarrassed and move on with your life. It’s as simple as that, if you let it be.

2. People are going to judge regardless, in life there is no winning so might as well just be yourself and attract people in your life that won’t judge you.

3. That being said, no one actually cares about you, people may sneer and think about you for 5 seconds and go back to caring about themselves, so you should go back to thinking about embarrassment for 5 seconds, and the rest can be focused on enjoying your life. The slate is even.

4. If you care so much about what the people you surround yourself with think about you and how they perceive you, to the point where being yourself is embarrassing then you need to reevaluate your priorities. If someone that is deliberately a part of your life can’t stand the real you then leave. It’s as simple as “take it or leave it”.

5. If you think something nasty about yourself, it manifests into reality and probes other people to think like that about you too. Do with that what you will.

I hope this helped someone and made them feel seen.

Thank you for reading

If you enjoyed this article, you can support me by:

buy me a coffee

Share

Leave a comment

Football is obviously a very inspirational topic and influences most of the world, now more than ever. With the world cup approaching so many companies have splurged on ads and only a few have been more notable than others. Lego, and Adidas are among some of them.

Let’s dissect it.

Watch the AD: Adidas AD

To begin with Adidas dropped an ad/short film titled “Backyard Legends/The Greatest Football Story Ever Told”. The ad has taken a very 90s retro urban aesthetic, with a cinematic storyline differing it from a typical 30 second commercial.

It stars icons like Lionel Messi, Jude Bellingham, Lamine Yamal, Timothee Chalamet, Bad Bunny, David Beckham and many more.

Why did this ad hit the spot?

1. Let the story carry the brand, not the other way around :

   Well to begin with it appreciates the global impact of football. Adidas has combined its own cultural values like diversity, culture, and collaboration with the sport itself. Except the ad portrays football as much more than a mere sport, it treats it like a cultural language that everyone no matter who you are, can speak. The ad leans into nostalgic cues, neighborhood familiarity along with unity of everyone. They have utilised aspects of AI technology and CGI to add flashbacks and script specific changes which aids to the cinematography of the advert.

2. Cast for culture not credentials :

   Bad Bunny, Jude Bellingham, and Timothee Chalamet are basically Gen-Z cheat codes. They play massive roles in modern society, especially after the hype Chalamet received for his role in Marty supreme, and Bad Bunny’s majestic performance at the 2026 Super Bowl. This casting is deliberate, it gets the ad to circulate in more phones than just the ones who like football. Adidas casted people that don’t centre around football, and they casted people that basically define football, both translate to generations of people tuning in. So even though some of the stars do not play football, it made the AD just as impactful.

   

3. Something worth noting, not just watching:

   They included satirical humour to get the conversation flowing. Everyone knows that there’s no such thing as bad press, and most people have capitalised on it. You would say anything to get a reaction or an argument from people and this would improve the engagement on your videos. Many attempts to this are quite tasteless and gouache, but Adidas was smart. They used a very simple divided joke that is known worldwide from only Americans playing “soccer” to football being the more widely known sports in the western world. This mini joke that was included in the first 1 minute of the AD, got the conversation flowing and it’s now become a notable meme circulating across social media.

   

4. End on nobody:

   The closing is really powerful, it shifts the focus to the 3 unbeatable players, a subtle nod to the next generation that showcases their power. Adidas has implied to help reshape football for future generations. Most importantly, after exhibiting the biggest celebrities on the planet for the last five minutes, the film ends on nobody, a bunch of random children. This particularly implies that through football, culture, diversity, and collaboration (and adidas) you could be next, you could be great.

It’s been a while since marketing was done right, I wrote a similar piece dissecting the marketing for Marty Supreme, and here I am writing another. It’s been so long since creativity has taken over and we have put innovation like AI to aid us in implementing originality. The messaging, casting, aesthetics, elements, and support for football was phenomenal.

I also think, as someone whose attention span has actively reduced due to short form content, we need to bring back cinematic ADs. I recently saw Huda Beauty’s AD on her makeup launch and I absolutely devoured it! Let me know if you want an article on that!. The purpose of a brand and community was to portray storytelling and build familiarity which virtually is not possible in a 25 second commercial delivered by an influencer no body fucking likes. Bring back the art of storytelling, and production, and actual idea generation that requires something other than a computer, wifi and chat GPT.

Overall, I enjoyed the experience I had when watching a fucking advertisement, and not many people can say that sentence. Consider the goal posts shifted. The ball is now in every other big company’s court. Okay, I’m done with the sporty puns, I’m hilarious.

I hope you enjoyed reading,

See you next time. Bye!

buy me a coffee

Share

Images in this article are sourced from Sport's Verse on Substack.

There’s been this trend going around on social media, about people stating things they have and think you would be jealous of. At first I thought nothing of it. There were quite a few funny things, but slowly it morphed into a game of basically the pick me olympics, and an opportunity to state that you’re better than everyone else.

It started off with the funniest things like being able to cum solely with penetration to having a solid friendship trio that actually works. However, it got darker and weird like people would be talking about certain genetic tendencies and it would come off as superior, which is just disgusting.

Every video I scrolled, there would be different people talking about different things that essentially fit to having a “perfect” life, and the comments would have discussions on whether these aspects are actually admirable or if their opinions differ. And after every scroll I realised that this definition of perfect simply does not fucking exist.

I couldn’t figure out if that fact bothered me or comforted me.

Everything that we see on social media is promoting some aspect of completing the puzzle to leading a perfect life. Whether that is sea moss for skin, bullshit gummies for gut health, raw garlic for inner detox, or matcha or pilates or lip fillers or vampire facials or alo yoga or elf’s latest product. The list goes on, and these are just products you can buy. There’s people selling a lifestyle, a course, a scam. They all aim to give you the solution to a problem that they created. The problem they created was not that you strive to be perfect, it was to fix your skin or to get skinny or to have plump lips. The problems created are niche and trivial along with the solutions that are being sold.

Subscribe now

What’s catastrophic is that we as a society have created this illusion and pedestal of what perfection is, and everyone and I mean EVERYONE is after that solution.

To whoever claims that “perfect” people don’t exist, I disagree. Yes, in the ideal logical sense when you take what perfect means at face value, they don’t exist. However, nothing is taken at face value. The idea of perfection is heavily subjective, someone could find a plate of nachos to reach perfection whereas Gordon Ramsay would spit that out on your face. But if you truly believe that the plate of nachos is perfect, you would not care if someone didn’t like it, because you know that taste buds are subjective.

But we as a society could not fathom attraction as being subjective, even though the concept of its subjectivity is probably simpler than different tastebuds. Maybe it stems from humans being social beings, and the desire to be liked by everyone. You see perfect people every single day. The famous celebrities are decked out in the best clothes, glass skin, perfect body, amazing make up and they are being dressed and showcased to perfection. The pretty girl that you saw on tiktok that goes viral because of how beautiful she is, and for a split second you think she’s perfect. The influencers you follow that seem to be living a perfect life that you only could long for are constant reminders of a bar that is set at perfection. Take substack for instance, you see a successful creator that has so many subscribers and is making so much money doing the thing she loves, and you think that’s perfect.

So I disagree, I believe perfect people do exist, and once again I’m not sure if that’s disturbing or comforting.

Our society has consistently set examples of what perfection looks like in every field, job, industry, career, skill, talent, looks. You can think of the most insignificant job, in a buttfuck nowhere county, with the most random skills and there would be an example set as perfection. Every company has “employee of the month” every industry has the highest paid - actor, singer, model, musician, director, manager, chef. Every country has a woman representing their nation, and every year one woman is selected a winner for the universe, and that’s perfection.

It’s not inherently a bad thing that people set this standard that have fucked all of our self esteems, I mean I’m pretty sure it started as “motivation” but it quickly dwindles when the bar is set higher and higher and higher.

It’s so weird, people think that they’re not perfect because they don’t look/think/act like people who they think are perfect and those people think they’re not perfect because of people they think are perfect. And the cycle goes on and on and on, until you’re just a fucking rat running on a wheel.

But this cycle could be broken so easily, if you just assumed with utmost certainty that you are perfect, and that one singular standard that you think everyone follows (they don’t - many people have many different standards) does not actually matter, then you would not care to receive validation that takes you one step closer to perfection, except perfection keeps taking a step backward, and the distance keeps increasing over and over again.

Sounds easy right? It’s not. I’m aware, we all struggle with closing this gap in our heads and fuck I wish it was easy, and then society goes ahead and says that perfect people don’t fucking exist. So none of us are capable of perfection? Great.

I wish everyone would use the amount of certainty and recognition in believing they are capable of perfection and they could possibly very well be perfect, instead of utilising their energy into thinking that Emily from AP Biology is perfect and you’re not. But great, no one wants to do that and we’re all going to continue to be just fucked for life. Like please somebody take one for the team and break this cycle.

This was a thought piece, and not necessarily focused on advice. My brain was feeling very overwhelmed with all the premiers and Met Gala and this stupid trend. There’s no advice for me to give you, nor for me to work on. Just hope you can ponder on this.

buy me a coffee

Thank you for reading, goodbye.

Share

Leave a comment

The definition of an avoidant person is described as someone who is deeply insecure, has an intense fear of intimacy and commitment, suppressing emotions, and strives for independence. A cute way of summing up my whole existence.

Subscribe now

Get 20% off forever

But no, I digress. The actual definition or more like the way of life is simply much more complex. Being avoidant is a pendulum of feelings hitting you like a truck at different moments throughout your life. It can be once a year, or twice a week, or at exactly 11:15pm at night when you tap into a deeper sense of self-awareness and realise just how lonely you are. It’s suppressing your emotions but simply because there’s just too many of them to handle. It’s the fear of intimacy but the longing of that very thing on days where you don’t hate yourself. It’s the excuses that drive us away from commitment but yet tether us when the whole world moves on and you’re still stuck at the restaurant right where they left you. It’s the days where you pride yourself on your standards and independence yet you secretly wish the sky to change your prophecy. Like I said, it’s complex. We’ve come a long way from monkeys and evolution has clearly fucked us because why are we so complicated.

It’s so annoying being a hypocrite, something we all are just by nature. How can I fear something so badly yet want it so desperately at the same time. How can I look back on moments where my avoidant self took control and ran me away from situations that could have progressed to which I laughed and sob at the same time as a result of my actions. How can I feel so deeply but yet be completely detached. It makes me wonder if the doctor cut something inside my brain instead of the umbilical cord lmao.

However, there are days where I want to change, and there are days where I embrace this mainly because I turn it into humour and without it I don’t think I’ll be funny. But the thing about the human brain is that continuous repetition of something can make you very sick of it. Listening to the same joke that is my life, over and over again, does not make me laugh anymore. Not even a smile.

But maybe my frontal lobe is developing slightly, very slightly and I’ve been trying to overcome these feelings of detachment through simple steps or at least I plan to. It’s hysterical how just when I want to change for the better the universe refuses to give me an opportunity to, nonetheless, if you do have an inclination maybe you can follow these tips and we can keep each other in the loop on how it works out.

Figure out the difference between a gut feeling and avoidant symptoms :

There have been many times in my life where I’ve pulled away from people because there was this overwhelming feeling of panic that took over my body whilst my brain was screaming at me to run. And no, none of them were murder attacks, simply boys asking me out. And well from the result of me writing this blog, it’s clear that I’ve listened to that voice.

Every. Single. Time.

But what if it’s a gut feeling, intuition? What if my body was trying to protect me from, well anything, we live in a very fucked up world. But what if using the excuse of a gut feeling is exactly what it is, an excuse, to never change. Instead, If I’m ever granted the opportunity of a hot guy approaching me I’m not going to listen to that voice, gut feeling be damned. To preface, I’m a very responsible person and I’m not getting myself involved with shady people so the gut feeling does not imply a danger to my life, my sanity however that’s a different story. I’m just gonna go for it, and slap on “for the plot” for every decision I make that scares me.

2. Own who you are :

One of the main aspects of my fear of commitment and intimacy is the fact that I can’t fathom that someone actually wants to date me, that they like me?? I know, what a crazy concept. Me pulling away is a way of protecting them from the inevitable disappointment that is my being, and well protecting me from literally

Read more

You’ve been reading for free, so you already know what this is. The voice, the spirals, the occasional identity crisis disguised as a post.

I’m still not going to “convince” you.
But if you’ve ever finished one of these and just sat there for a second… you probably already know. Either you feel it or you don’t. No matter which, I hope you enjoy the ride (hitchhiker or passenger princess?).

Subscribe now

If you decide to become a passenger princess, I can offer a variety of benefits:

🧚🏼‍♂️ Not everything makes it to the free version. The pieces that are longer. Less filtered. Slightly unhinged. The kind of topics that make you put your phone down and stare at your ceiling for a while is delivered to you 2-3 times every month.

🧚🏼‍♂️ Not advice in a “fix your life” way.
More like: real things I’m trying, failing at, and figuring out in real time as a 20-year-old who also did not read the manual for being alive. Just raw experience at your fingertips (that was so dramatic).

🧚🏼‍♂️ Access to paid-only threads + private chats
(where the comment section is actually worth reading for once)

This is for those who want to consume, not just read.

🛍️🚙💸

Monthly plan : £6.99/month

Yearly plan : £64.99/year (22% cheaper, if you’re the commitment type)

Come in, or don’t. You already know which one you want to do. Happy shopping, or riding, I’ll be forever grateful to either.

I also currently have a special discount running for my first paid 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. The first 100 get 20% off of their purchase forever.

If you liked this article and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee : buy me a coffee

Get 20% off forever

The Vogue Diaries is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

There are also amazing moments in your life that make you wonder just how marvellous our lives are on this floating rock in the middle of a black abyss. That party you went to last weekend and had the time of your life with your friends, that one trip that solidified what a happy memory is. Proud moments where you accomplished a goal, a talent, proved something to yourself and other people. That one restaurant that serves the best pasta and tiramisu which becomes a treat every time you deserve it. Ice cold water after an everything shower. Pregaming before a club. Listening to that one song and all of a sudden you’re transported back to when you first heard it. Cooking in the peace of your own kitchen. The list, fortunately, goes on.

My point is life is all about a pendulum of experiences, there are highs and there are lows but most importantly there is a neutral balance. Most people hate being stuck in the middle, where their life is simply there. Boring and repetitive, they are basically an NPC in their own life. But I digress. I never like to take a boring simple life for granted because it could be much worse, and for that I’m grateful. Many people around the world, especially in the current state of the political environment, would kill to have a boring life, and it is always a privilege to be able to say you have the same experiences everyday. This is obviously considering that all in all you should be able to live your life striving to find new experiences.

But sometimes, people often overlook the experiences they currently have, and to learn the art of romanticising your life, every shitty bit of it will truly improve just how content you are.

I romanticise doing many errands as a hustle, almost like I’m a youtuber filming a productive day in the life vlog. It’s amazing, it changes your outlook not just on the task but your mood, your personality and the way you lead your life.

If I had a bad day at work, instead of coming home and crying in frustration, I would have a relaxing bath, put on a comfy set of silk pyjamas, pour a glass of wine and make myself some pasta to the background of RED, the album by Taylor Swift.

I truly yearn for experiences where something mildly shitty happens to me, because I’m naturally a very unserious person and it becomes a joke to me no matter how deep it is, but also it is a very good chance to romanticise the classic female arc of snapping out of it. Whether that is in a mild way or extreme. You learning from your mistakes is the biggest blessing not even success can offer to you.

Romanticise failure, because congrats on failing most people don’t even try. Now you can get up, learn, and continue on.

Oh you don’t have many friends? Congrats you are one of those funny girls with a great personality who has a small circle because quality over quantity babe, and those people mean everything to you. In my head that’s most definitely the lead of a new book series about a found family.

You’re lazy because you have to grocery shop? But isn’t it so cool to walk through this crazy place where everything smells so good, and all the packaging is colourful and you inspect all the new stock added and your notes app is out with a list, and your cart is wheeling through the different aisles whilst listening to a classic playlist on your Spotify. And in the end, you decide to buy a little sweet treat and now

Read more

I love how I look on my phone when I’m patient enough to pose. I love my makeup even though I switched on 15 different lights and broke a sweat in achieving my love for it. My hair isn’t having a bad day which means it’s the best day, and if I keep my phone at a very specific and rarely patient angle I don’t immediately recoil at the sight of my body. When I finally head out, I see myself in the mirror one last time and every ounce of adoration towards myself breaks into a million pieces just like that very mirror did.

Yet the second I leave my house, in my bones, and at the back of my head I know I look attractive…compared to an ogre. Yet this knowledge is enough to drive my ego up to the size of the Burj Khalifa. It’s enough for me to portray a false sense of confidence, and love for myself. It’s enough for me to walk into a room knowing, no, believing that I’m among one of the best looking people in that room. It’s what you would call - fake it till you make it.

Yet, this isn’t on purpose. I’m not intentionally creating a false sense of confidence, in fact over the years, the small amounts of male validation received, compliments from friends and family, a twisted sense of humour and lightheartedness, and extreme self awareness are the armours I wear when I leave my house.

Therefore, it is very rare to insult me, not if I beat you to it, not if I laugh at myself for it, and this illusion has driven my head into the clouds whilst my body wishes it was as light as clouds. It is painful and deeply confusing to have such contradicting emotions about myself.

This article is going to be a deep dive about why you and I feel like this, how it happens, is it a common occurrence in our generation, and what it quietly does to our relationships and the way we treat people, let alone ourselves.

I would like to dissect this deep dive into 5 sections :

1. The origin (how and why)

2. The evidence (the behaviour)

3. External and societal influence

4. The douse of poison (impact on relationships)

5. The solution

The origin :

This isn’t a diagnosis, or a personality type. It’s simply a mechanical response that our bodies produce from years of conditioning (good and bad) that lead us here, to who we are. The conditioning is essentially where the origin is.

The ego is like scar tissue, once you hurt it, it grows back stronger, rougher. It makes sure nobody can get hurt again. Early or childhood memories of bullying or manipulation, specific comments made even in good faith, insults thrown at you no matter who jokingly can knowingly or unknowingly cause a scar and bruise the ego. Like mentioned, it grows back tougher to ensure it doesn’t scar again. I’ve never had any moments deep enough to talk about in therapy, so I’m talking about it on a blog on the internet, great idea. Anyway, it has happened a few times to me, obviously, what is life without a few haters but you live and you learn.

What’s jittery to me is that years later, I realise it is precisely why I joke so much about myself, it is why I’m so self aware and I make it a point to insult myself before anyone gets the satisfaction of hurting me. I don’t feel like I’m hurting myself, because I already know what’s wrong with me. I never assumed that one passing comment a dumbass fucking boy made about me, would shape me into who I am today. Don’t get me wrong I love this side of my personality, I absolutely love having a big ego but it’s just intriguing how that played out.

I don’t want to be dramatic and be like I grew up having a sense of conditional love hanging above me, but like lowkey who didn’t. Call me pessimistic, but I don’t believe unconditional love exists. Sure, there are degrees to the conditions but they exist regardless. When you have a sense of expectation linked to love or acceptance no matter how small, it makes you want to be better than the opposite. Take 2 siblings in a household, the sister is an overachiever, good at sports, has many friends, hobbies, is really pretty, basically an all rounder. The brother is not really smart, below average, does not have any hobbies except for sleeping and doom scrolling, looks kind of ratty. The parents love both siblings but are they accepting of both? Are they equally proud of both? Are they regretful in the slightest? Almost every household is a comparison household.

Academic/career/lifestyle pressure hits different when your parents trust that you will succeed. When the condition to their happiness is your “happiness”. Your need to be good, or believe that you are good at something, anything, everything stems from a childhood mindset, perceived not by your parents but by you and your own conditions to loving yourself.

The evidence (the behaviour) :

I want to delve into this feeling of being hyper self aware. It’s a feeling of great power, yet also will be your biggest downfall. You feel powerful internally walking into a room, knowing every flaw that lies beneath your make up and clothes, but also being certain that no one’s observation can penetrate you. It’s your biggest downfall because you are so hyper aware of everything you do, the way you behave, when you speak with what decibel. You don’t let yourself take up the space you deserve to take up. Somehow everything you do is “embarrassing” in your eyes. You stop taking risks, you rarely leave your comfort zone, excitement takes the form of nervousness and panic. To put it quite bluntly- you don’t really live. To live is to make mistakes, is to learn, is to be hurt, to be happy, to gather embarrassing stories, to be confident, to take up space in your life.

You think people are going to love this ironically picture perfect version of you, that even well curated has its flaws. I guess you’re yet to reap the benefit of that assumption.

With all that being said, I don’t believe you want to necessarily be liked, more like understood. You want people to see a more complex layered version of yourself, and not just the front you propose. Who doesn’t want to be understood? I want to be understood correctly on a compulsive basis. That’s the issue. More than being liked, I need to be correctly seen. Worse than being disliked, is mislabeling who I am without my armour.

A private catastrophe is arguably worse than a public one. On the outside, you are unbothered, delighted, laughing, but when you’re alone with your thoughts you keep relaying a 3 second conversation in your head, berating yourself to change the way you interact. Every thought laced with regret. The perpetual over thinker. It can be exhausting right?

Every time you think that you’re better than other people, it’s a confirmation in your head that you’re above the feeling of anguish and self-hatred. Every time you tell people that you’re better than everyone else, it’s with a bit of sarcasm, self assurance, and an undertone of false advertising. I love it though. It’s who I am.

External and Societal Influence :

Is this a more common occurrence in our generation specifically? There have been countless research papers, documentaries, commentaries, and therapy sessions on how social media has turned into a debilitating space for young minds. The constant attention, exposure to the audience and the ever growing beauty standards is just the tip of the iceberg. Nothing tastes better than skinny feels is back, so is the race for Oscar Ozempic awards. Plastic surgery has risen 73% in the last 10 years, and parasocial relationships will be a section in a textbook 20 years down the line. Social media careers have exponentially risen, treating profiles like metrics for views and engagement, leading to

Read more

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

Do you ever feel like your life, and the people around you seem like the same flimsy copies of a shitty xerox machine, and uniqueness is lost somewhere in the void where individuality once existed?

I’m not going to pretend and be like being different has always been admired and strived for, when that’s almost never been the case. Throughout history being different or yourself has been punishable. From Salem women being accused of witchcraft, to Galileo being put on house arrest for the rest of his life for having a different theory, to Elvis Presley being bashed in his early rock career for being too vulgar, and morally corrupting. The list goes on. You can’t possibly blame the modern societal mannerisms of wanting to be alike to the ones that surround us in order to not get exiled, literally and figuratively. Even though being different had harsher punishments back in the day, and is much more accepting now, this current predicament is riddled with hypocrisy.

Let me break it down for you. I really wish I could speak this because my mind is going 100 miles an hour trying to put so many thoughts into words, let me know if you want a podcast.

PS: I have an annoying voice. I’ve been told it’s nasally.

Anyway, back in the day being different was ridiculed and punishable by law, however through the concept of time and retrospect we discovered that being original or individualistic to your own opinions, thoughts and ideas was a breeding ground for innovation, theories that were eventually right all along, creativity, art and things that make one person known to billions of people. It makes your life an imprint on so many others, it documents your presence on this Earth, that would just be a floating rock if not for individuality. This does not deter the concept of social belonging, a very popular psychological theory that inhibits a human NEED for belonging, alikeness, love and acceptance.

Nowadays, although being unique is admirable to a certain extent, the only difference is our individuality is not being lost because of a psychological need to belong, it is being lost because we all want to replicate and be someone that was different and their own individual at a specific time in history. This is fucking ironic, and possibly the worst case scenario but never say never.

Taking a modern example for instance, if you are on social media you probably have heard of a TV show called “Love Story” on Hulu, and it encapsulated the tumultuous relationship of John F Kennedy Jr, and his wife Carolyn Basset. The TV show has replicated Carolyn’s 90s style that mainly revolved around her preferences, wants and a sense of personal style. 40 years later a bunch of 27 year olds living in New York City have blurred the lines of taking inspiration and straight up copying someone’s style and calling it your “own”. It is shocking how people are dressing exactly like her, wearing their hair like hers, visiting shops and spending their mortgage trying to replicate HER. She had individuality in her style, which is why people find it iconic now, and it’s okay to be inspired by that and to curate it to who you are, but to copy someone completely for them being different defeats the whole purpose of them being different, does it not?

We see this time and time again, from basic trends that cause people to shift their personalities from Hailey Bieber clean girl, to Charli XCX brat party girl, to Ralph Lauren Christmas wholesome little family member, to Carolyn Basset minimalist Calvin Klein model to whatever else is the next unique look.

The young women on Instagram since 2016 have been changing their facial features through make up and plastic surgery, only for them to realise they’ve now got “iphone face” because everyone wanted to change their face to match the look of people they see on Instagram who changed their face to look like Kylie Jenner. That is so unfortunate. Your face is the mixture of so many generations in your family, it is the living depiction of evolution (along with some makeup and fillers lol) and now it’s all gone to “iphone face”, the saddest part is that I can’t even blame society for the originality of this term, because it is warranted. Something being called a trend every 10-12 business days literally means it has a peak but then it dies down.

Leave a comment

How devastating is it that your personality is just a fucking trend?

A person is not different or unique or individual if everyone becomes like them.

Stop trying to chase after other people’s aesthetic and image, and start creating your own. Start leaning into your own style, humour, vision, personality. Be individualistic.

People forget that everyone is different, and as disastrous as that is, please let’s never make humans living algorithms. Let’s not settle for being easily defined.

It was much easier back in the day to find yourself, which is essentially the whole crux of this article. Without the influence of social media, the existence of trends, and overly glorified parasocial relationships with celebrities, finding your individuality would have been a breeze. But if anything, with the presence of this in today’s day and age, urgency is the only sense of motivation that I can portray. Capitalism and AI are actively making human beings living algorithms to control and feed and you are one of them.

And it is this fucking deep.

Enjoy trends, do the TikTok dances, try viral recipes, re-create a picture that you saw of your favourite celebrity post. But don’t blend yourself into other people, don’t make yourself a clone of someone else.

Your sense of self is so unbelievably important, that once you lose it, you become just a clump of cells on a floating rock.

I always like to give advice or some value to my readers every article I write, but there is no step by step guide to bringing your individuality back or existing in the first place. All I can say is that finding yourself is easier than you think, and more rewarding than words can ever express. Do the little things you’ve always done as a kid but stopped as you grew, wear the neon orange shorts on a hot summer day, buy the ugly bag that costs more than your kidneys but who cares that it’s ugly because you like it, stock your fridge with easter eggs even though you’re supposed to be on a “summer diet”.

✨Just be yourself🥀

Ew. So fucking corny. Anyway,

If you enjoyed this article and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee

Before you leave, I’ve gained almost 14,000 of you little ratty motherfuckers and words cannot put into how grateful I am for this overwhelming amount of support. It truly means so much, and I value every single reader who reads my not so little blog anymore. Thank you from the ends of this beautiful planet that we have created through originality and art.

Get 20% off a group subscription

Give a gift subscription

Heyy guys, I’m announcing a brand new addition to my Substack publication: The long awaited, highly anticipated Vogue Diaries subscriber chat. I know you guys have been sitting at the edge of your seat, absolutely foaming at the mouth for this new establishment in our silly little family. Additionally, you never know maybe one day you will be bragging about how you were in a group chat with me! and everyone is shocked because I’m like mega famous, and you could say I texted you. How cool is that!? Just kidding, kinda, not really, but for the sake of being humble it’s all jokes.

This is going to be a conversation space exclusively for subscribers—kind of like a group chat where I can communicate with you guys, and you to me. Now that I’ve explained how texting works…I’ll post questions and updates that come my way, and you can jump into the discussion and let me know your thoughts and opinions. As my readers, I honestly would love to know what you guys think.

I’m so scared I’ll get no replies on the gc and everyone will leave me on seen…eeeks ptsd to my last situationship. Anyways, let me know your thoughts, discussion topics, and/or advice you would like for me to give (although I’m the worst person for that).

Thank you for all the growth and support, as a blog writer it is ironic how I cannot put into words just how grateful I am.

me if y’all leave me on seen: iykyk

PS: I’m not sure how to navigate this group chat, so please bare with me whilst I make mistakes, sometimes i’m more technologically challenged than a facebook mom and I’m only 20. Clearly the future of the world is in great hands.

Join chat

How to get started

1. Get the Substack app by clicking this link or the button below. New chat threads won’t be sent sent via email, so turn on push notifications so you don’t miss conversation as it happens. You can also access chat on the web.

Get app

2. Open the app and tap the Chat icon. It looks like two bubbles in the bottom bar, and you’ll see a row for my chat inside.

3. That’s it! Jump into my thread to say hi, and if you have any issues, check out Substack’s FAQ.

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

And to all my freebie cheapskates (I’m kidding please don’t hate me), I’m always forever in debt to you, thank you for supporting my blog.

If you enjoy reading my newsletter and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee

I can tell you with certainty that this post was definitely not in my foreseeable ideas for blog topics, and if you told me last month I would be writing this post I wouldn’t have believed you. Over the course of the last couple of months my blog grew from 9 subscribers (shout out to you, you guys are the OG’s) to 2600 and counting.

obviously I come with receipts:

From this:

To this:

The point of this post is not to flex, but I mean, if this doesn’t tell you that I’m the greatest most famous writer you’ll ever read, I don’t know what will. But like I mentioned, the concept of this post is not to flex, it’s to maybe I don’t know, guide you guys? Give advice? Sorry it’s my first time being even mildly good at something so I’m kinda nervous. Maybe give you guys a rundown of some of the things I did that potentially could have helped gain an exponential amount of individuals that took the time to subscribe and read my stuff. Hence, I’m gonna divide my article into phases I had as a writer that can maybe help capture my ongoing growth.

Phase 1 : throwing shit at a wall hoping it will stick

During phase 1, I was a newbie, I mean I’m still a newbie but I was like a sticky gooey newborn. I originally wanted to start writing about marketing campaigns, and then I moved to maybe writing some personal thoughts and then I bounced between these ideas. None of them helped, because well keep in mind I had like 3 subscribers, one of which was me. But that didn’t mean I stopped writing because the only person liking my post was me. I continued writing, posting, and promoting like I had 77,000 people eagerly waiting for my next drop. I was confused, getting no attention, no traction, but I still kept releasing things, some were good, some were shit, some were not my vibe, and some got more than just 1(me) like. And when another person acknowledged my work, it made it all worth it, but when no one acknowledged my work it didn’t mean that it made none of it worth it.

My point is, change your purpose and perspective. When I started my blog I didn’t intend for me to get a huge following, and crazy money and fame. I started it because frankly I was bored, and I have ADHD so my brain is constantly running thoughts that need a release ; in comes my blog. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a money hungry whore (so please feel free to become my first ever paid subscriber), and I was discouraged at times at ever thinking that this could become a job, but even just having one person reading and relating to my work, made me forget about money and delusions…temporarily. Hahah, kidding, not really. The key point is change your perspective, keep posting even when you have no one, because if you continue to consistently post I can guarantee you will have someone.

Phase 2 : growing confidence

In Phase 2, I started getting more acquainted with how the Substack community works, how posting works, how you could potentially get more attention, connections and friends on this app. This would be maybe after my first 4 posts were released that I started getting more confident in my writing, my schedule and aesthetic. I started discovering more ways in which I can promote my posts, and ended up branching out. So here’s a couple of quick things I did to sort of bring awareness to my blog.

1. I started posting on Notes : It is really underrated but just post Notes. They will never discourage anyone, it can only go up from there. Even if you post Notes and get like 3 views for months on end, don’t leave hope. I posted a Note about how I was so ecstatic that I got my first 9 subscribers and that it felt like I sold out a stadium tour, 1 month later that note blew up out of nowhere and that’s how I got my initial 500 subs. Don’t be discouraged if your note doesn’t immediately get views, the algorithm, app, and engagement depends so heavily on different audiences and your time will come. Trust me.

   Many people will tell you different things on how to make your Notes hit the page of other readers. They’ll say It needs to have tips, and hooks, and a guide, and course and a whole brain too. Whilst that is true to some extent, I think it’s very subjective and context heavy. If you write about advice focused, educational topics and want to share related things via Notes to attract a similar or targeted crowd, yes then this will work, better than most of the other types of notes to be honest. But also, it’s okay to just post what’s on your mind, like funny memes, relatable content, a cute photo dump, an outfit you liked, random thoughts, gratitude for every person thinking your work is worth reading. The crux of any sort of attention you get is being relatable and for that you need to know your target audience, and how you can be relatable to them. I used to post notes at least 4 times a week, and now I get over 6000 page views and my notes are consistently on people’s for you page. So post what you like, what you want other people to like, how it can relate, and how it can tie up to your articles or even personality. See? Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

2. Engage: Think of the substack community as one big school and you’re running for elections. You have to be the one to stop people and let them know you’re standing, you have to meet crowds and talk to them, get them to like you. You have to be social. The Notes are the posters you stick around school walls, and you commenting, engaging, and talking to other readers is the socialising bit. I originally started commenting and leaving replies in order to find likeminded people. My comments were also hilarious and relatable so people liked it, and left replies. Occasionally, I started getting more attention and traction through these avenues and I would use that to promote my blogs under posts that are similar or relatable to my own. And this helped. I promoted “How to be disgustingly educated” under posts about similar topics, and now my article just hit 100 likes…AAH!! So my point being, it will never hurt to talk to people, let them know you like their posts, you may never know they might just subscribe back.

Leave a comment

Link to the article:

Phase 3: the catapult

This is where the “accidental” bit comes into play. Because by this point I had like 7 posts, plenty of notes, and had a decent following, by decent I mean the big 50. But suddenly my blog started skyrocketing and getting tones of views, my phone would blow up and well here I am. I want to say luck played a role, because I can’t really explain how this happened, but also realistically I wrote stuff that people liked. They liked my tone, my humour, the darkness I added into my posts. But really this entire journey has been trial and error. I love how I’m writing as if I have like a million followers haha, but everyone has got to start somewhere right. Even when I had 5 subs I thought I was the shit, and I can retire now lmao.

Honestly just go with the flow, some days your content will do really good and some days it will flop. Since day 1 I’ve shared my growth journey and now writing this post feels very surreal, but for once my gratitude is higher than my ego.

Something that helps me stick around during the dry times is

“If you fail congratulations, most people don’t even try”.

Even if you have one person that is reading your posts, you never really failed, and that kind of encapsulates my entire mindset with this journey.

I’m forever thankful to every person that has left a kind message, subscribed, followed and/or read my posts. Now it’s my turn to return the favour.

I hope this post was helpful and I wish every reader the best of luck in this journey. Ew that was so fucking corny, anyways my hands hurt from typing…bye.

Share The Vogue Diaries

Subscribe now

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is? I never thought that this notion would pop up in my head as much as it does, unless I was actively having an existential crisis. But it does, for me and for you. It’s always been a dormant thought in our head, waiting to implode like a volcano one day - cue the existential crisis.

It is ironic how we all live this life to serve this unknown purpose that is individualistic to each of us, yet we’re all united in one concept that is most certainly not the purpose of life, yet will be the death of it.

Boredom, the bane of our existence. Contrary to popular belief, ennui is not actually a bad thing. It means you have time, and an outward sense of control on that time. It is what we do with it that is disturbing.

Did you know that the average person touches their phone at least a 1000 times a day, just to cure this boredom, entertain themselves, and the price we pay is to lose our sense of thinking.

Like I said, boredom is not a bad thing, it’s just hysterically ironic that boredom used to be where thinking started, and now it’s the moment where it ends.

Subscribe now

The effect of modern media, whether that is doom scrolling, endless amounts of movies and tv shows, music, theatre plays …at the end of the day it is art. The truth is creating any form of modern media including me writing an article is a form of art. And it’s beautiful that the human mind evolved into this majestic world that we live in which was built from boredom. The only problem is people would now choose to be a spectator or a viewer rather than the creator. It’s been made so disgustingly easy for us to simply appreciate art, consume and enjoy it, and then die. Was our purpose to simply clap?

I know there are rumours that float around every once in a facebook mom, that modern media is making us dumb. To some extent I agree, but like I said it’s art. The crux isn’t intelligence, it’s the fact that we’re getting more distracted. Entertainment was used to fill up our free time, now it’s taking up our thinking time. Every day that passes, it gets harder and harder to develop originality.

I always like to add some purpose or use to the reader when writing my articles. So here’s 5 tips that you can implement in your life to reclaim boredom, add depth instead of stimulation, and bring back your originality.

Share The Vogue Diaries

1. Consciously reset your habits: We’ve all lost ourselves along this path of distraction and destruction. Make an effort to reset it. I’m not going to tell you not to listen to music when walking somewhere or on the tube, no way, my music time is my me time. I love that. What I can tell you, is the media that you consume can be more impactful than simply entertaining. Maybe when you’re getting ready for work, listen to a podcast about the concepts of neuroplasticity (very interesting btw. Or you can dedicate one of your movie nights to documentary night. Learn something from this beautiful form of art instead of just clouding your brain with it.

2. Consume what will make you ponder not squander: When you consume something let it leave you with a sense of silence and thought provoking. Consume a book that will make you stare at your ceiling for the next 45 minutes. Make a memory that you will remember for the rest of your life. Watch those movies that everyone tells you to watch at least once before you die, and then wonder why you didn’t watch it sooner.

3. Ambitious little couch potato: Do you ever get those mini bursts of ambition right after you finish watching a movie about this intern who managed to impress the boss and get promoted and live this amazing life with her amazing friends and boyfriend, and you’re like damn I wanna be that struggling intern who gets her dream life because you’re just that talented and everyone can see it? And then the bubble bursts, after which you proceed to scroll on your phone until you forget that you ever had that thought until right now reading my anecdote. When you’re bored, make it an effort to try and achieve those goals. You have something invaluable, time is truly of the essence. Take up a hobby and learn to be the best at it. Attempt to write a song even if you sound like Simon Cowell would spit his coffee at you. Cook a meal you’ve never cooked before. Make an at home music video. Create art.

4. If it’s easy it’s useless : To preface, nothing is ever really this deep but I have a point with this, just wait. Imagine you’re watching a day in the life vlog on youtube, you’re in pajamas, having coffee and a toast, and it’s easy. It’s easy for you to spend your time doing this, it makes you content, keeps you comfortable and steady, and most importantly within the boundaries of your habits. Therefore, it is absolutely useless and trivial. Except I’m not talking about a video that you spend 20 minutes watching. I’m talking about your self expectancy. Nothing is demanded of you, no friction, no challenge, no effort. This one video turns into 2, 5, 8, they turn into hours and days spent being “content” at the cost of being pacified. The concept of self discipline has been dwindled and escalated at the same time, the question is are you willing to find out what that means for you. Add challenges to your routine, learn from the discomfort. If it’s hard it’s worthy of something.

5. Balance is key : I know it may seem from my article that relaxation is never good and I sound like one of those uncles you meet at family functions going on and on about jobs and money and achieving your goals. But what is life without your simple pleasures? Like I said, I’m never giving up my music time, it’s a simple pleasure. If watching Love island every night brings you joy don’t let go of that. But balance it out. I think once you find the equilibrium of challenge and comfort is when you would have started adding value to your days.

I want to end this article by stating that the purpose was not to ask you to change your habits, it was to make you aware of money hungry companies that strive to keep your attention and keep you pacified more and more everyday.

The more distracted, entertained, unoriginal you become, it leads to more money you pay to watch your life turn into a shit show onstage, and when all is said and done you’re just a face in the shadows clapping.

Leave a comment

Wow what a dark turn, I hope this article left you a little disturbed and made you ponder, because if it did then congratulations you’ve consumed one piece of media already that’s one step closer to helping you leave this vicious cycle.

If you enjoy reading my newsletter and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee

Thank you for reading my article, it makes my minute (just kidding). Bye!

PS: Since my last article I’ve gained over 400 subscribers and I can’t even fathom that amount let alone express my gratitude and happiness. All I can say is thank you for taking the time and effort to read my silly little blog, it means the whole fucking Mariana Trench to me. Thank you.

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

February 14th, the most dreadful day of the year apart from my birthday (I have a fear of aging might get into this in another post). The day of every grocery store in your block shoving pink and red nothings into the faces of every single (pun intended) shopper checking out a tub of Ben and Jerry’s. Did you know that the history of Valentines is actually quite barbaric. Back in the ancient Roman traditions lies a mid February fertility festival, basically a day dedicated to fucking, which later evolved over the years into a day of also fucking. Excuse the crass language. I don’t think I would be this crass if I actually had a Valentine (for once), but here we are.

Fun fact : Did you know that Valentine’s day was once banned in certain countries for being too immoral or too western? I’m starting to think they should bring that back, just kidding, not really.

This post is not going to be primarily focused on you or me being single on Valentines, but god knows how much I want to complain about that. Instead, I want to dive deeper into the difference between being sad because you’re single or being sad because everyone else is not single but you are.

To begin with, I’m not really a hopeless romantic at all. I don’t believe in soulmates, and the concept of a forehead kiss gives me the ick. I never watch romantic movies (I watched the notebook once in my life for the simple fact of evading the question “How have you never watched the Notebook”), and I can’t stand having eye contact, it’s simply too intense for me. If you couldn’t tell by now, I am terrified of romance and commitment and apparently have no shame admitting that on the internet that I only really love the idea of a relationship. Being a hopeless romantic is a double edged sword and I simply love protecting myself. This puts me in the second category which is I am sad because everyone else has someone and I don’t. Call me a fan of joining a bandwagon.

However, recently and specifically this Valentines I’ve had a bit of an inkling of the first category. The category you’d be in if you were a hopeless romantic. Maybe all the Magnolia Parks books I’ve been reading are getting to my head or the fact of me binge watching Bridgerton is twisting my very old ideology of being terrified of romanticism, but something has changed.

Fun fact: Did you know that your pupils actually dilate when you look at or think of someone who you love. It is not just a poetic or emotional response, it’s physical. Too bad I can’t see my pupils dilate. My eyes are almost black, but even if they were crystal blue I don’t think they would dilate.

I’ve started to ponder or more like crave the idea of a relationship, like an actual one, not just the idea. I know, crazy. Still not thinking about terms like “forever” (I don’t have a death wish), but I did not realise the difference between who I was, and a hopeless romantic.

I always found the term hopeless a bit rude, but I realised it was actually spot on. I am very much hopelessly craving a romantic connection but I have no prospects. Which makes my whole being extremely incorrigible. However, I also used to be a complete and utter bitter bitch who would stay in her bed and watch horror movies all day, but my friends say that I have grown. I am now a slightly less of a bitter bitch who indeed does go out occasionally and does spontaneous things with strangers. This growth or change of actions was not for me though, it was for satiating the hopeless and turning it into a hopeful romantic.

I’m not sure if you’re a hopeful romantic reading this, but have you ever changed your routine, personality, and actions to make it hopeful rather than to grow for yourself? I’m not going to sit here and be like “oh you should focus on yourself and when it’s meant to be it will”. No, simply no. It didn’t happen when it was meant to be, because I was too busy focusing on myself and I got too in my head and did not take the leap. So, I’m changing tactics, call it a selfless act. Doing things for other people.

Subscribe now

Fun fact: Did you know that love and anxiety are closely linked and actually have an experimental correlation. The love hormone increases cortisol, which is the butterflies (stress reaction), and nerve-wracking feeling we get. It feels good to know I was not going crazy and being the only one who was terrified of any semblance of romantic attention on me.

It’s only been about a month of being this new found version of myself that actually wants to interact with people and reduce the debilitating social anxiety I have, and I can confirm as I’m writing this on February 15th that I still have no prospects. I want you to know, however, that this is not a bad thing. I’m still going to try and find someone through various new tactics that inadvertently make me grow, aka killing two birds with one stone. The question is, is it going to be continuously hopeless or maybe the weather will change to bright and sunny. However, something I refuse to do is create a divide between reality and imagination. I will always long for the idea of a meet cute, hence I despise the concept of a dating app. I would romanticise everything including an asshole who I truly hate, by calling it enemies to lovers. Call me crazy, but I actually don’t want to change that. Life is so much better when you’re delusional and think everyone is in love with you. Like the one direction song stated so eloquently “reality ruined my life”. Being a hopeless romantic is truly like listening to any of the One direction albums.

My point is, I think you should play smarter rather than harder. Change certain things that you think are stopping you from finding prospects or developing a connection with a specific prospect. But this does not mean lowering your standards, if you do simply do it for the plot or a prompt for a game of ‘never have I ever’. Don’t change you’re hopes and dreams no matter how unattainable because life would absolutely fucking suck without it. I don’t plan on changing my sense of humour or my personal philosophy because it’s what makes me funny and likeable and dare I say not like the other girls.

I’m absolutely not speaking from experience and there is no reason you should be listening to me, however if you’re curious if my tactics have worked follow along, I’m going to be experimenting with you. Disclaimer, if I were you I probably would not make it worse, I’m at the very edge of being a hopeless romantic however I don’t plan on reading/watching books and movies that spur it in on and make it worse simply because I am tired of being disappointed and having my expectations get crushed. It’s not fair to put men at the standards of fictional people written by even more hopeless romantics, and it’s not fair of me to expect that and be disappointed, but at the same time it seems so attainable. Hence the saying love is a gun.

This does not mean losing the little things you find romantic. Keep that, don’t let that go. They make you, you. It’s just no magic is ever going to guarantee the return on the hope, unless you have a really good ROI score (haha not a finance bro joke). But I guess that’s why they call it hopeless.

This post was such a rant, and I don’t know if you could tell I have ADHD, with the way I could not focus on any singular point I tried to make. Maybe a podcast would be better. The only thing I wish to gain is a sense of relatability from the reader. If you resonated, do follow along.

And lastly, to the ones who believe in slow dancing in the kitchen to dim lights, pasta and Billy Joel - don’t lose it.

Last fun fact: Romantic hope is linked to resilience. Statistically, more people who still continue to believe in love after heartbreak or being an emotional wreck, have a higher chance of experiencing stronger life long relationships after, and report a higher life satisfaction.

If you enjoyed reading this article and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee

Hope you enjoyed this post, don’t forget to subscribe :)

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

Have you ever wondered why you hesitated liking a certain Instagram post, perhaps it was too TMI or too real, it would reveal information about yourself to the public that you did not want revealed. Maybe you felt embarrassed liking a certain hobby or a tv show, and if you’re really an over thinker maybe you felt disconcerting liking a certain type of music to the point where you wouldn’t play it in public even if you had headphones on. But why is that? Why do we feel embarrassed liking certain aspects of life? Is it because we’re that self centred that we think everyone is going to be talking about how weird I am for liking blah blah blah, or is it because our brains compute liking things into multiple categories, making a relatively simple concept into something more complex.

We know that our brain computes from a very young age what is societally considered as right or wrong, cool or cringe, old or new. This could be broad in the sense that if one was having thoughts about murder they would feel scared or embarrassed because the entirety of Earth deems it wrong. Or it could be specific, like your high school thinks that listening to music from the 80s is lame (respectfully disagree but nonetheless) and hence liking Kate Bush would be deemed as embarrassing. Our brains flag this as risky even if it makes us happy. The question is when does this cycle end. If it’s not familial, then it’s high school, then university then your job and so goes each avenue of people having new societal rules that deem things the way the majority think. So our brains depressingly are consistently in a ‘majority rules’ battle, incapable of independently forming our own likes and dislikes let alone standing on it. Unless of course you change that. If you did own up to your choices you are deeming the risk of being a loner or an outcast, but if you’re pretty you could be deemed as quirky but now that’s seen as pick me or performative. Isn’t it so sad and unnerving that we let other people rule how we lead our lives. In case you have not noticed this conversation is more than just about being embarrassed to like a sex joke on instagram, but instead a deep rooted issue that dominates the way we lead our lives.

We as humans are social beings and hence we are wired to belong. We need to have human interaction to remain sane. Because of this, we developed what is known as a social survival instinct. In simple words, this instinct makes sure we aren’t behaving like weirdos so that people like us and we make friends and live happily ever after right? This applies to every personality type out there. The social survival instinct stems from an inherent fear of rejection. So if you’re an introvert and you’re scared of people noticing you or you have social anxiety it’s because you’re most likely protecting yourself from being rejected (a struggle I deal with on the daily incase you haven’t guessed, a very cliche instance of having a secret blog account haha). If you’re a social butterfly you have mastered the act of social survival and most likely you depend on human interaction more than the average person. There’s no changing this, but it’s simply how you look at your priorities and how you treat what makes you happy. Of course, by now we know that certain things that make us happy embarrass us. So how do we embrace it instead?

Subscribe now

1. In order to embrace it you need to conquer your own vulnerable identity issue. If you deem something as guilty pleasure you are automatically identifying it as something not innocent, something wrong and hence justifying the need to be embarrassed. Barring a few exceptions, liking certain things aren’t guilty; they’re just pleasures. Change your own internal narrative. Oftentimes the way we treat ourselves is way worse than any imagination we have of our greatest fears treating us. So be kind, to yourself and other people. If someone else likes what you like would you shame them or befriend them? Treat yourself the way you would treat them.

2. Band wagging from the previous point, we also have a lot of internalised judgment, shit that our brains make up from past experiences, social acceptances, majorities etc. Rewrite and erase those judgements. You are never going to get to live the life that you want to live if you continue to think that it is a path that is not respectable. Other people can think jack shit but as long as you don’t it shouldn’t matter. If you want to be a violinist that plays on the streets of Rome, but if you think that’s embarrassing then you will never achieve what you want.

3. Find your coupe. The world we live in is vast, extremely interconnected and accessible. It is almost too easy to find a group of people that have something in common. Whether that’s on the internet or in your local neighbourhood or finding an artist that relates to your wants, find them. Life is much happier and easier when you have something to share.

   Share

The internal conflict we have stems from this not so black and white world we live in and has dialed into the direction of the psychology of ambivalence. Guilty pleasures, activities we enjoy but feel embarrassed by, eating something with no nutritional value, liking a trashy song, loving a smutty book series. Think of this concept as a math equation (I know what the fuck but trust me it’s easier). 2+2=4, right so in order to be embarrassed or deem something as guilty we need to have judgement derived from personal values and social expectations (2+2). Your personal values are the internal vulnerability, judgements, independent morals, past experiences, future expectations etc. Societal expectations are everyone else’s vulnerability, judgements, morals, past experiences and future expectations forming your thoughts and hence ruling your life = 4.

The only true way to be able to conquer this is to change the inputs, don’t limit yourself to just 2, if you did then the answer would be just 4 which is so painfully average. Increase your potential, lift your boundaries, stop letting societal expectations shape your personal values, once you do the answer would be much much greater than just a 4.

The psychology of ambivalence states this constant form of indecisiveness, in or out/ approach or avoid/ start or leave. The only way you can be ambivalent about something is if that something contradicts either your personal values or social expectations. The only way you can overcome it is if you DON’T let it contradict you. Easy peasy right.

I want to end this piece with a quote I read in an article that states :

“Embarrassment isn’t just a feeling, it’s a social filter, shaping what we reveal and conceal to maintain our desired public image.”

If you enjoyed reading this article, and would like to support me feel free to buy me a coffee

Leave a comment

Thank you for reading my article, it means a lot. If you want more random thoughts and word vomit like this, please do subscribe and comment any thoughts or word vomit you may have. Have a lovely day!

STATUS: CONTAINED AND SURVIVED

RISK FACTOR : HIGH

ANALYSIS TYPE : CULTURAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL AUTOPSY INTO MARKETING

THE ANTIDOTE: 🧪

I never thought I’d see the day where I would give a single fuck about a table tennis player. But here we are. And honestly, it’s simply brilliant.

Did you know, Marty Supreme is played by Timothee Chalamet? I bet you a hundred bucks you did. And that is the result of excellent marketing.

Let’s set today’s autopsy scene outside the morgue, since a death was missing. Instead there was a win in the high books of marketing. Today we set the scene at each other’s house because the scene of the revival is an application called ‘Zoom’. This is what initially kickstarted the success and marketing promotion of this movie. Albeit the cast was brilliant with actors like Timothee Chalamet, Gwyneth Paltrow, and cameos from Esmeralda, oops sorry I meant Tyler the Creator, Odessea Azion and many more. But this mere screen-recording of a scripted zoom call brought a new perspective that modern marketing has not seen in a while.

For those wanting to have a look here is the link :

zoom meeting :

This seemingly obvious twist was humour. There was something so simple, hilarious and natural about this peep into a meeting Timothee was having with his marketing team for the movie, and we get an insight into his humour and his personality. The audience gets to see a behind-the-scenes moment that is rare and that invokes a feeling of belonging. This was smart. Because now it captures the attention of people scrolling on social media who wouldn’t usually give a fuck about a tennis player, but this simple move, made us watchers want to be a part of the experience, want to feel a sense of belonging.

The psychological Trigger: 🧠

This creation of a sense of belonging and how brands/companies/promotions and even people can manipulate is a psychological concept called social identity theory. The social identity theory discusses how people derive pleasure and comfort from finding a sense of belonging regardless of the sense being false or true.

It is a means to easily manipulate people. I mean to be fair, all marketing is a form of manipulation but some of it can be admired. Social identity theory is especially prevalent in people who find belonging in fandoms, inside jokes, social references, cultural ideologies, communities, etc. Brands and in this case the campaign of Marty Supreme can leverage this idea of “us” vs “them” to create conformity. All of this is done, subconsciously of course, and marketing actions like this cause a ripple effect into the mind of the viewer.

Subscribe now

THE COUNTERAGENT: 🧬

Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally, you never really know in marketing, around the promotional time of Marty Supreme a popular UK based rapper who goes under the name of Esdeekid was gaining a lot of traction. His music, way of words, and scouse accent were aiding his overall allure. A balaclava was hiding his features except his eyes, once again aligning to his aura and mystery.

His eyes, the only gateway to an identity that the viewer could see ; and I can’t believe I am even typing this, was eerily similar to Timothee Chalamet’s eyes.

And obviously, with anything nowadays on the internet it gets blown out of proportion and is turned into a crazy joke that everybody wants to be a part of. Timothee even got asked in multiple interviews if he was secretly Esdeekid, and if he was pulling a Hannah Montana on all of us.

His response?

.

Do a collab with Esdeekid that features a verse on Marty Supreme in his song ‘4 Raws’.

Like I said, absolute brilliance.

The adept ability to take on cultural blabbering and twist it into something so delightful yet satisfactory - an instant viral sensation. Their marketing team hit god knows how many birds with one stone.

Subscribe now

The psychological trigger : 🧠

Taking you guys back to the Social identity Theory, I can safely say, as a 20 year old who is very much on social media, I was amazed at this move. Not only because it was such a success but also because the way I felt was part of it being a success. I was there through the zoom call and getting a glimpse into his new movie. I was there when TikTok was in its Nike Tech UK rap phase that featured a wildly popular song ‘Phantom’ by Esdeekid. And we switched it up to Central Cee wearing a quarterzip and sipping matcha to Phantom, and the internet was bamboozled. This may sound like gibberish to a lot of you, and quite frankly I’m jealous, but my point is there is a story, there is a chain reaction between one coincidence to another.

All throughout these cultural peaks I felt included, even if it was a silly internet joke that only chronically online people would get, it still made me feel dare I say cool? to know of this, to see it occur in real time.

To be culturally relevant.

And that is the main crux of the psychological effect that a simple song collab has on the viewers. That simple sense of belonging has made me want to go out and buy a ticket about a fictional flashy tennis player called Marty Supreme, and eat my overpriced nachos just to feel included. Tribalism is what it’s called. A bit of a barbaric name if you ask me, but it’s the truth. In retrospect, the internet is a vast forest for different types of tribes to belong, and we all have shared values, identities, and community.

In this bleak case, we have shared phone addictions, chronically online behaviours, a quirky sense of humour, the ever-longing need to be niche, oh and we happen to be on the same side of the algorithm.

SURVIVAL SUIT: 🦺

Lastly, I want to touch upon a significant cash cow in this campaign. The infamous Marty Supreme Jacket. A TikTok sensation, worn by celebrities, a statement for the model off-duty look, and a pinnacle to streetwear. If you’re wondering what this is, it is simply a jacket that says Marty Supreme on the front. Who knew that simplicity, cultural relevance, and a touch of 80s style was all it took to sell a jacket worth, you may want to sit down for this, 10,000 dollars.

No, I did not add the extra zeroes by mistake, it is indeed worth 10k.

Diabolical, I know.

Okay the 10k is a resale price, because all the original ones were sold out, but still this is insanity.

I haven’t even watched the movie (yet)and I want to own the jacket just because I think it’s cool. Hell I wouldn’t even go as far to say I’m a fan of Timothee Chalamet, so why oh why is my interest even mildly peaked into buying a windbreaker worth thousands of dollars, as a girl who doesn’t even like basic puffers.

The psychological trigger : 🧠

I’ll tell you why.

You want it because you’re chasing an aspirational identity created by the brand, the campaign, and the endorsers. You want it because the aspiration is that you get it, you get what it’s like, you know what’s up. You’re cool cause you know how cool it is, and you want to feel like if you wear a Marty Supreme jacket to a fucking grocery store, people will still understand your fashion piece.

You become a statement piece.

This level of aspiration is quite obviously a mirage and an extremely fleeting feeling. And to someone who may not give a fuck (thank god), this ideology of seeming “cool” may seem so high school but in reality it’s more prevalent than we like to assume. And everyday brands capitalize on this hidden addiction we all crave to achieve, that we all so desperately like to chase, and in the end some fool will buy the ten thousand dollar jacket.

The jacket aligns with how you want yourself to see you.

Self Congruity.

A consumer aligns with the brand because it matches their own set of beliefs and lifestyle. My lifestyle is to be modern, young, cool, aesthetic, niche and therefore I am attracted to the jacket.

It’s simple math.

FINAL NOTES ON REPORT :

All in all, manipulation or not, the marketing team of Marty Supreme has portrayed excellence, and for that reason they will not be in my morgue. They have survived.

.

.

.

REPORT STATUS: LEAKED

.

.

END OF REPORT

I am a pessimistic but also a hypocrite since I would like to believe and give myself hope by thrusting my mind into the world of tarot, manifestation, and subliminals in order to gain a companion of sorts. I wanted to touch this part of spirituality in order to find myself. I’m so lost and confused in who I am, what I like. On the contrary I can list abut 76 things I’m not good at, I am extremely self aware of my flawed self, and yet I can never seem to list any qualities, aspirations, hobbies, passions, end goals that I would have.

Never having done a tarot reading before, imagine my surprise when on a trip to Edinburgh on my very last day I stumble across a reader on a street for a mere ten quid per reading. The last card I picked up was the “High Priestess”, and I knew standing in that street that maybe being alone was in my fate, my destiny, and so did the reader.

Subscribe now

Although it is interesting how for half my life (to be fair I’m only 20), I aimed to meet new friends, develop new bonds, and I achieved that primarily when I drank. Alcohol, the sweet poison that douses the fear that lies in social anxiety. I would never assume I am addicted to poison, but I can acknowledge a foreshadowing reliance on the drink. A reliance that let’s me be free of the shackles of fear that hold me down, shackles that make sure I end up alone in this lifetime. So the poison worked, it did it’s job, injected itself into my veins and gave me friends that I so longingly desired.

Fun fact: Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, that slows down brain activity, resulting in a reduction of fear, inhibitions, negative moods, and anxiety. Inherently making the person drinking the poison feel more relaxed and confident in themselves. Something I lacked without it.

Leave a comment

Like I said, feeling a foreshadowing sense of dependency. I’m not necessarily perturbed by this dependency. I’m only 20, I wouldn’t mind having a coping mechanism of sorts. The need to drink before approaching a boy, a group of people, is just the beginning. Maybe one day I’d have to drink before approaching a boss, my clients, established individuals. When will the reliance morph into addiction. Oh well.

I would love to drop this reliance, learn how to be self-confident. I would love to learn how to be a great conversationalist. Instead I’m writing this blog, too scared to even post it because it’s so vulnerable and I quite frankly hate that emotion. I am a very ‘using humour to cope’ kinda gal.

Nonetheless, I do agree that therapy will no longer make me a funny person since I will be fixed, I am open to any and all tips on how to gain confidence, and be less in my brain about things. Oh how I would love to stop overthinking every word that comes out of my mouth. How I would love to just reach over and kiss the guy I like instead of being shackled by my mind. How I would love to not be utterly scared of commitment and running away at every chance when things and relationships in my life get real.

I would love to not blame my fuck ups to my avoidant attachment personality type.

I was wrong, alcohol is not the poison. My mind is. My thoughts are. Fuck well that’s just great. Don’t like the biggest tragedies start because people can’t escape their minds? Lol.

If you enjoyed this piece of my rabid vulnerable confused mind, leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts (maybe we can go out for drinks later) , and do subscribe and join my family of introverts, it would mean the world.

Share The Vogue Diaries

Leave a comment

I’m doing something, I swore I wouldn’t do, which is introducing a paid subscription plan. I know what you’re thinking, in this economy hell no. I started writing for an outlet, and I never expected it to grow as fast as it did. I’ve been meaning to deepen this unbelievable opportunity of growth for myself, and an opportunity for me to offer something of value to you. If you would like to switch to a paid plan for subscriber only posts and my full archive tailored for those who want to read, not just consume, the link is below.

I’m also offering a 20% off discount for life, for the first 100 subscribers, because I truly believe being early should mean something. If you ignore this, I’ll hate you forever.

Just kidding.

Get 20% off forever

Headed into 2026, my new year’s resolution is to know. That’s it.

I’m not going to say something about how us lazy girls (who love reality shows, pop culture, music and brain rotting) should switch from scrolling on social media to only following professionals and knowledge givers and therefore switching to smart scroll. It’s unrealistic, and frankly not the goal. These tips are pragmatic, and aid in building personality. It’s chic, it’s smart and it’s easy if we really want to be more knowledgeable in 2026. This is only useful if your rebrand is to stop being the dumb blonde (no offence to blondes, I’m aware it’s a baseless stereotype but I’m using it as a hook, so sorry!!)

Expanding your knowledge is a skill unbeknownst to great power and opportunity. In today’s ever competing world, knowledge is limitless yet so constricted. Furthermore, it’s always good to know.

So here’s a guide on how to be disgustingly educated in the new year, especially if you’re lazy.

Read more

STATUS : TERMINATED

RISK FACTOR : HIGH

ANALYSIS TYPE : CULTURAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL AUTOPSY INTO MARKETING

Presenting Symptoms: 🧩

This year has felt aggressively parasocial. Everything feels a hair’s breadth away — too close, too aware of being watched. Boundaries exist in theory, but not in practice.

The world has been exposed one too many times. What used to feel private now feels performative, and every day petals fall off to reveal a rotten flower within.

Social media didn’t just normalise this. It glamorised it. Exposure became aspirational. Over-sexualization became casual. OnlyFans is spoken about like a dream employer for young, impressionable people instead of a symptom of something much darker.

Emotional distance collapsed. Our brains adapted quickly, rationalising what would have felt invasive not that long ago.

Mine didn’t.

This 2025 marketing campaign didn’t just miss the mark. They crossed a line.

Case study 1 : The denim that stained red.

1. Sydney Sweeney “I have great jeans” campaign:
Watch the murder : The murder scene

The crime scene: 🩸📍

• American Eagle headquarters and Sydney Sweeney’s agreement to film and endorse the “I have great jeans” campaign.

• The murder showcased Sydney Sweeney in a chaise wearing you guessed it, jeans. The image at first was not the issue, the dialogue was. Then everything became the issue.

• Location - some studio in Los Angeles

• Platforms - the murder was blasted on all social media platforms, primarily on American Eagles Youtube and Instagram and later endorsed by Sydney on her Instagram. The victims then blew it up on TikTok.

Suspect Motive: 💸

• American Eagle and Sydney Sweeney thought the AD would be a quirky rendition of the 1980 Brooke Shields Calvin Klein AD (that was heavily controversial). Classic case of serial killers taking inspiration from other serial killers. They also made subtle innuendos to eugenics, something that is quite reminiscent of World War 2. Very Ed Gein if you know what I mean.

• Sydney Sweeney’s motive? As opposed to becoming one of the least liked celebrities in an extremely short period of time, and somehow having a relationship with Scooter Braun of all people you’d think that would be the worst of it. But no. Greed got the best of her and I’m sure the pay check was worth it. It had to be.

The Psychological Trigger : 🧠🧪

• The use of projection in psychology means to have a certain defence mechanism and a need to be a guard dog for yourself and your actions. Projections were clearly lacking in terms of the feedback and how the murderers responded. A classic instagram post stating an apology drafted on Canva was expected of the brand since accountability is never a trend. The actress however proceeded to have an interview with GQ, wherein the interviewer proceeded to ask about the massive backlash from the AD, and she said and I quote “I Think that when I have an issue that I want to speak about, people will hear.”

  Note: I mean what the fuck does this even mean?!

  There was zero acknowledgement on her part about the historical references made within the AD leading to her having no sense of projection and her fans clearly struggling to project her. At this rate it would be hard to.

• Parasocial bonding in psychology explains the aspect of fandoms, of celebrities being held at a higher pedestal than the average human being. Although fandoms aid into a sense of belonging and an expression of love and admiration it can lead to understanding why celebrities are sometimes exempt from doing or believing in certain aspects. Parasocial bonding means one sided, the media and the fans bond with the celebrity except they’re all strangers to the celebrity. Obviously this is depressing when thinking about in a logical sense but spiritually and culturally it’s still a beautiful bond to have.

  In this case, parasocial bonding has been targeted to simply the male gaze that “bonds” with Sydney Sweeney. Luckily the male population can’t defend anyone for shit except themselves which resulted in ONLY backlash for the brand and the actress. Some might even say that the 100% hate is “surreal”.

• Sexual signalling was a clear motive from the AD. From the way she was dressed to how she was speaking and the words she was saying was all a reference to eugenics and the 1980 Calvin Klein AD where a 15 year old Brooke Shields was in her underwear and was told to act seductive. This mock up tended to glorify the sexualisation of underage children and pedophilia. More importantly, the white skin, blonde hair, blue eyes being labeled as “great genes (jeans)” and portrayed as superior, was obviously signalling racism. How disgusting.

The body’s reaction : 🫀

• People didn’t get angry at first, they recoiled. They felt uncomfortable just watching it, they felt like it was disturbing a piece of their mind and body. It was invasive. Whether that feeling came from just the sexual imagery produced or the meaning of the words, it brought disgust upon the victims. Jeans, something as seemingly innocent and mundane, was manipulated to become a form of desire, sexuality and class aspiration. There was a discomfort of forced intimacy. The projection of “You’re supposed to want this” “You’re supposed to feel like this” or “You’re supposed to BE this”.

  The campaign did not offend people,

  it implicated them.

• The majority of victims were embarrassed I don’t think for themselves but I’m sure due to the concept of second-hand embarrassment. It is embarrassing that a very talented actress who was once beloved has stooped so low that she would destroy her career by capitalising on the male gaze for the male gaze. It’s embarrassing that this is what she is known for.

• Some victims were enraged and rightfully so. The message of the AD promotes concepts that lead to a lot of death and depression and are many things that people still struggle with. If someone has the privilege to have a big audience that listens to them, and has that influence over them it is enraging that the privilege would be abused in such a manner to spread and capitalise on vile messaging.

The larger pattern: 🧬🌏

• This AD signalled where marketing was headed. The concept of all publicity is good publicity was abused. The avenues of being woke in this generation were crossed and history was repeating itself all the way back to the 1940s to 1980 to 2025. It leads me to wonder where the future of creation is headed. Is it leading somewhere more sinister or more innovative? The use of AI has replaced most of the human brain cells, a shame. The only way to surprise people and to get a reaction out of this generation is to rage bait and spread negativity.

  Note: It makes me wonder if the murderers were smart or were they just cruel and sadistic?

• Brands are learning to overexploit the feeling of social acceptance and the desire to be loved by everyone. The concept of being attractive or gaining pretty privilege leads to being known as a symbol of sex, it has become a rush. American Eagle simply exploited these insecurities and they took the one person that was the face of these insecurities to influence this messaging on hundreds of young impressionable women.

  Note: It leads me to wonder if this could be aiding a much bigger, more sinister issue.

REPORT STATUS : LEAKED

.

.

END OF REPORT

.

.

.

AUTOPSY CONDUCTED BY : THE VOGUE DIARIES

Stay safe my victims

until next time

VD

I haven’t found my hobby my passion, I do thing’s because I’m supposed to not because I want to. I like many things I don’t love any. I try various activities, none of them stick. I picture my future bright and dreamy, my home is a utopia of sorts. People say those who dream big, those who picture their dreams as if they were currently living it, those who can almost taste it are the ones who achieve it. They are the 1%, and yet I have failed without even trying. This sentence is the bane of my existence. I dream too big, but I assume I have failed without even putting the effort to try because of something as trivial as sloth. I now realise why it is one of the deadly sins.

I’m happy, I’m content, I love my life and yet I crave some sort of difficulty some challenge or hurdles just so I can prove to myself I’m not completely useless. I grew up privileged, had everything handed to me and yet some days I wish I grew up struggling just so I could have a fire in my belly to take me from rags to riches, a Jay Gatsby of sorts. It’s fucked up to wish for something most people would runaway from, because I’m seeing it through rose tinted glasses, simply too lazy to remove them.

A job pays you for your value. I dream of giving back, of creating so much value that I bathe in my riches, I dream so close I can almost taste it. Yet when I’m dragged back, to my reality I haven’t earned my single dollar and I can’t help but wonder as of right now I create no value.

My albeit undiagnosed ADHD does not help. I feel overwhelmed and constantly overstimulated that I can’t finish even one task properly, add on to my need for perfectionism and I’m either not doing any work, or submitting unsatisfactory results.

I want to achieve many things, some specific some vague. I want to know how to achieve all of them, some I do learn about most I don’t.

I need to be a human that is so aggressively curious that those wants become needs, and I fulfil those needs out of desperation. I fear the plague of curiosity might finally snap me out of lazy mindset.